The Dirty Old Man

“Not again,” Lisa muttered before turning to the man tapping her shoulder.

She looked him up and down.  What was it about her that attracted middle aged men?  At least this one seemed to be in decent shape.

Still, he could be her father’s older brother.  Another dirty old man.

“Look, sir, I’m sure you’re delightful.  The ladies at the club must fawn over you.  You’re certainly not unattractive – for a man your age.  But I must wonder why you’re here?  Are you trying to impress your buddies?  Prove your sexual prowess is more than a legend?”

He opened him mouth, but she shook her head.

“I’m sure you have a great job, a hefty bank account, and the means to support me.  I’ve heard it all before.  I could pretend that I’m flattered, but I’m not.  Let’s face it, you want eye candy and a nice roll in the hay.  Maybe you’re willing to be my sugar daddy or turn me into your trophy bride.”

She paused, and sighed.  “I want more.  I’m twenty-four-years-old – I’m sure you have ties older than I am – with a promising future.  I’m entering law school in two months.  Eventually, I’d like to get married and have a family.  I don’t want to change my baby’s diaper and move on to my husband’s.”

She shrugged.  “Sorry if I sound cruel, but it had to be said.  Not just for me, but for all women.  Now, why don’t you go and find someone age appropriate.”

She turned away and took a sip of her martini.

“Nice speech.  I came over to tell you that your skirt is stuck in your underwear.”  He said.

“Oh, thanks,” she called after his retreating form.  Mortified, she fixed her skirt.  How long had it been that way?

  24 comments for “The Dirty Old Man

  1. July 25, 2017 at 5:42 pm


  2. July 25, 2017 at 6:16 pm

    Funny. Inspired by a true experience?

  3. July 26, 2017 at 6:51 am

    Too funny!

  4. July 26, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    Over assumption from the lady in red skirt. Nice one !

  5. July 26, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Yikes! I think she needs another martini.

  6. July 27, 2017 at 9:03 pm

    Hi Jo, loved this one, a great ‘spoken monologue,’ must try that some time! I could really imagine the scene. Felt sympathy for the guy. I think ‘antipathy’ for the girl though 🙂

    • July 28, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Thank you! Hopefully she felt contrite and isn’t quick to judge in the future.

      • July 29, 2017 at 6:34 pm

        Yes, it’d be good if she learns some manners, the poor guy just wanted to help her out at the end of the day, ostensibly anyway. 🙂

  7. July 28, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    Hahaha! A homerun.

  8. July 30, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    Sometimes it is deceptive

  9. July 31, 2017 at 6:13 am

    I liked that I thought about your characters’ points of view for a little while after reading your story.

  10. July 31, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    Lol..!! Funny Story!
    Stumbled across your blog while surfing through WordPress. I am thoroughly impressed! Will come back tomorrow to read all the posts! 🙂

  11. July 31, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    I’ve read it in a rush and… damn! I’m still laughing!
    Thank you, I need that too much.
    Hugs from Italy,

  12. August 4, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    I don’t feel contempt for the young woman. As you said she’d gotten hit on by a lot of older men so she was just tired of it and maybe sad that when the old men came around, it discouraged any younger men that she might have actually been interested in. But I do feel bad for the guy. I imagine how bad he felt when she said those things to him.
    Great characterization to inspire such empathy in me. Kudos on your writing, J.

    • August 4, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      I planned on writing about how it feels to be hit on by someone much older when you’re young, but decided to go a different way. Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading it!

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